So I went to Mexico in early October. When the dates were settled upon, I instantly developed 43 phobias related to my absence. I'll not bore you with the entire list. I'll just say that school pictures occurring during my absence was a big one. A big one that was fully rooted in reality.
So, yes, Big K had to handle picture day. I chose the outfits, laid them out, and gave the man eleventeen tutorials on Phook's hair. I suggested he put in a little squirt of hairspray to tame flyaways. Since we have this problem
So the day arrived. Big K put them in their outfits. He styled the hair. And then he ran into trouble. He couldn't find the hairspray. Now all good fans of The Great Outdoors
know that when you get into trouble, you let go of the rope.
Big K did not let go of the rope.
Big K grabbed the mousse.
And put it on both our kids' heads.
Additionally, my son got to school and apparently busted out a contraband man necklace he had squirreled away in his bag and decided he needed to add a piece of flair to his super-slick jam. I can only assume the teacher and the photographer were off getting high together when this went down. There is no other explanation for them thinking a mother would abide this sort of thing in the single instant during which you commemorate an entire school year.
When I got the proofs, I totally fucking hyperventilated.
And then, somehow, some way, I calmed my happy ass down and decided to order these pictures. Retakes be damned.
The hood rats are smiling like gems. They look happy as clams. Bigs is obviously delighted with his man necklace. So what if they both look greasier than Joe Pesci?
I don't know. I just decided to decide that this would be the moment that I admitted I do not control the entire universe.
And I will always have the pictures to prove it.
So there. Big W is finally growing up.