Momma Says the F Word

Profanity, parenting, and ridiculously verbose descriptions of absolutely nothing.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Help Wanted: Driver

Well, the clown dogs reviewed my writing samples and they want to interview me.

Not to be a dick, but I was assuming this would happen.

So I have an interview set up on 2/11. Before that, I have to complete and submit a wicked writing exercise that they sent me. It looks like a good 12 hours of hell. Good times.

So, yeah. This process is continuing.

I want to sincerely thank those of you who left a comment on my post about considering reentering the workforce. My favorite thing about blogging is getting those thoughts from readers. You help me think outside the weird little box I live in.

Where I'm at right now with this is an odd state of calm. I am committed to going through the process. And that's all I'm committed to.

As I've been dangling this option in front of myself for the last couple weeks, I've come to 2 conclusions. The first is that there are many things that I deeply love and treasure about being home with my children, no matter how frustrated I am getting these days. The second is that I do believe that my family would figure out how to operate successfully in a "new normal" environment, should this culminate in an accepted job offer.

I don't think those two things are in conflict. They're just both true. Which means, as some commenters have pointed out, that there is no wrong choice. I just (might) have to make a choice. And once I make that choice, I can always make another one. And another one. And another one. No wrong roads. Just a journey.

Which is I think why I'm calm now. This thing started out as a very pointy hunk of space junk, but now I've turned it around and around in my mind so many times that I have it polished into a smooth, lovely rock. It's there, still tumbling around, but it doesn't hurt anymore to have it there. Which is very good.

There are so many factors involved in this decision it is mind boggling. So many variables. Some--like my slimy, drippy emotions--I can share with you. Some--like the nuances of my husband's career trajectory--I have to keep pretty vague. There's just a lot in play. The decision, should I have to actually make it, is so much larger than me. It impacts 5 people and also how those 5 people relate to one another. I can't actually even do the math on how many relationships will be impacted by this decision.

I remember when I was graduating from college, the insurance company I had worked for during college offered me a job as a supervisor there after graduation. And then I also had the offer from the software company. The starting salaries were identical. I liked working at the insurance company, and there was something very tempting about sticking with what was already known to me. But I rattled it around in my brain and ultimately picked the software company. That move served me well and ultimately put a permanent gold star on my resume. In hindsight, I chose wisely. But making that decision was brutal. And it was JUST ME. Oh, all the ways that I yearn to relive my pre-child life with the knowledge of my post-child brain. Woe, woe, woe...

So here I am. I'm going to keep on keeping on and I will not lose any more sleep about this until I have a real decision to make. They think they are interviewing me, but they're wrong. I am going to interview the ever-living shit out of them. I will walk out of there feeling fine, but they will need a beer afterward to de-stress after the questioning I put them through. And I recognize this makes me a terribly cocky bastard, but I suspect I will leave our little date with a smug look on my face and they will be the ones hoping I call them back.

Yeah, that does make me a cocky bastard. It does. But that's the position I'm taking here. And you know what? That right there is a beautiful gift. Feeling like I am in the driver's seat in my own life is a monster luxury that is not lost on me.

So I'm good. I'm here, all cocky and crazy, knowing that I am the one driving this clown car. Don't know if I'm going to take it down Crazy Lane or Crazy Boulevard, but either way I'm going crazy. At least I'm the one behind the wheel.

4 Comments:

Blogger Kim said...

you should walk out of there like a cocky bastard. You've earned it by working your ass off in your prior non-kid working life and you've also earned that right by having the hardest fucking job of all...a stay at home Mom. Good Luck, your interview will rock because it's on my 33rd birthday and I say that it will be so.

8:36 PM  
Anonymous melinda said...

You rock. That is all.

3:04 PM  
Blogger The Pisarzewicz Family said...

Love it. You go, girl!

7:05 PM  
Anonymous bw said...

Making decisions is hard. I'm not good at it and I don't like doing it. In my moments of wading through decision-making mire, my dad always told me that it is better to have options to choose between than to have no options at all. You were right to say that neither choice is bad or wrong or however you narrated it.... they're just different roads. I like it. And your interviewing attitude. You and I are very much alike in that, probably because I think we share very similar talents, which we are able to showcase in writing samples and face-to-face interviewing =)

10:50 AM  

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