Mother of the Year

Does your kid go to a great daycare or preschool? Do they spend their mornings learning to speak Spanish and play the bongos, all the while noshing on 100% organic snacks prepared by a monk? Or maybe your kids stay home with you, and you live in a really great metro area absolutely brimming with children's museums, kids' music classes, and amazing gyms filled with toys that teach 2-month-olds to walk. Maybe you spend your mornings taking your kids to marvelous places like those, stimulating their little minds and generally enriching every moment of their lives.

Not Big W. No. Instead, I allow this sort of thing to happen:


This photo was taken at 10 a.m. today. My daughter is undressed, unwashed, uncombed, untoothbrushed, eating Cool Whip directly out of the tub, and (although you can't see it in the photo), she is also watching a DVD of the movie Happy Feet. This sort of happened casually. I tend to be busy on Mondays, planning meals for the week, dealing with correspondence, housework, and laundry that has piled up, generally getting our act back together after the weekend. It's actually pretty much identical to walking into your office on a Monday morning. There's crap all over the place and you've got to hustle to get yourself back in the swing of things before your first meeting. (In our case, that meeting would be a playdate.) So, I got busy during Bigs' nap, and this is how Phook ended up in such a state at 10 a.m.

So I was sitting here entering Pampers points or tending to some other pressing matter on my computer, and I looked over at her, and I just started laughing. When gestating my first precious bundle, I truly could not have imagined the day that I would let her hygiene go completely by the wayside 4 hours after she rose, let her tuck into an entire tub of Cool Whip as a morning snack, and let her watch entire feature-length films with alarming regularity. Holy balls. How quickly I have fallen. How quickly I got to this point. How the hell did this happen? Woof.

I can't really tell if I'm actually beating myself up here or if I really am just flat amused. I think we're gonna have to say it's 50/50. Either way, my kid really enjoys Cool Whip. We can positively confirm that one.

Arf.

So, I did eventually get the children dressed, and we moved our dicking around party to the second floor. I was putting away clothes or something while Phook and Bigs were hanging out in her room. After two minutes, she yelled to me, "Mommy, I made a big book train!" I went in there, and indeed she had.

Phook is entering an extremely imaginative stage, where everything is something else. Books as train being a great example. The other day she was eating a curly noodle at lunch and she said, "This a fish." And then she bit it in half and said, "See, I bite his tail off." Today she was eating a square carrot chunk from a serving of frozen mixed vegetables (the resident monk is on vacation), and she said, "This one is a house. I gonna eat it." I am loving this. It is so, so, so fascinating to hear what she is imagining. I have (against all odds) enjoyed her year of being two. I think that three is gonna be totally awesome. I really do. I mourned her babyhood SO HARD, but I love few things more than sitting back and watching her become a kid.

Also, I'd like you all to really look closely at the photo above. If you do, you'll notice that I captured Phook about to put a basket on Bigs' head. You'll also notice half of a hound sticking out of a tent. You'll also notice a stray Swiffer, because it's Bigs' current favorite toy. I don't know, fuggin' Waldo is probably in that picture if you look closely enough. Man. It ain't the bongos, but it's good times nonetheless.

Speaking of good times, I am pleased to report that I officially completed my cherry pie filling canning operating this past weekend. Cherry pie filling is one of my favorite things that I can, and I am feeling rather satisfied that this task is complete. I'll be enjoying many a darn good pie in the coming winter months. See?

Mmm. I bet that'd be good with some Cool Whip.

XO,
Big W